My Personal Story

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Everyone has a story to tell that has shaped who they innately are as a human being, and I feel that in order to truly come from a place of authenticity with providing healing strategies, I firstly need to share my personal journey so far.

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I started out my life living in a really tough environment, surrounded by an absent alcoholic mother and an abusive family member, which resulted in me experiencing a very difficult and challenging childhood. I found myself having to learn survival skills very early on in life, later to realise that being in a constant state of fight/flight mode would severely impact the very foundation of my being in terms of mind, body and soul along with the future relationships that I was to form throughout my life. It has been proven that trauma and suppressed emotions can have a severe detrimental effect on the body at a cellular and energetic level, which can also play a big part in the manifestation of dis-ease.

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The only positive aspect of my childhood was that I had been blessed with a good singing voice and as a result, I became a child protégé at a very early age. I trained classically in opera and sang at the London Royal Albert Hall. I toured Germany with a choir and was privileged to sit in the orchestra pit at several Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals in the London West End, along with my singing teacher. At the age of sixteen I found myself in a position where I had to leave the family home with no family contact. This brought about a whole new array of survival skills that had to be honed quickly. I executed them with great determination and enthusiasm, as I was so thankful that I had escaped what I can only describe as being a living nightmare. The environment was devoid of any emotional parental nurturing or protection and was in essence, entirely dysfunctional. As a result of leaving, I had no contact with my family for three whole years. This was up until I became aware that my father was dying from cancer.  On given the tragic news, I decided to reach out to him and make contact before he passed over to light.

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During this time I made my own way in life. It was tough, but safe. I educated myself and climbed the corporate ladder to become one of the youngest Regional Sales Directors in the country for a very well known public company in the UK, only to achieve burnout at the age of thirty-seven. Sadly, I had become a workaholic in an attempt to numb the pain of my suppressed emotions. This is when I first encountered my first spiritual awakening and became interested in meditation. I began to meditate on a daily basis, to the point where it became part of my daily routine and I slowly began to feel great benefit from the practice. You see, if we suppress our emotions long term the universe will give us something to make us stop and deal with it. Fortunately, this is exactly what had happened to me. As painful as it was at the time, it was a gift from the universe. The high achiever, hard task master and woman who went straight back to work within two weeks of giving birth to both her daughters had ground to an abrupt holt with agonising physical pain, depression, chronic fatigue, insomnia and a borderline eating disorder.

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By this time, I was nearly a decade into my second marriage with a husband, who (bless him) was battling his own demons, suffering with severe mental health challenges and bipolar disorder. After twenty years of marriage, the pressure cooker finally exploded and he dramatically left the family home on the morning of my mother’s funeral. On reflection, I then began to realise that he had given me the greatest gift ever to be given, by releasing me and setting me free. This is when I was able to step into my own power and stand in the flame of real truth. My journey of healing started to gain more traction and I could finally start to invest in myself to ultimately lift my own vibration. There was a clear, rapid transmutation of lower frequencies into higher frequencies that seemed to take hold immediately. I began to smile like a thousand rays of sunshine, something that I hadn’t done for such a long time. You see, we attract people at the level in which we vibrate and I had spent my whole lifetime attracting the same people that vibrate in the lower chakras and frequencies, like myslef. This was because I had suppressed my own trauma and emotions for decades and up until this point I was unable to prioritise myself. I'm not suggesting that people who vibrate at a lower frequency are bad people, I am just highlighting that we all have various wounds that require healing and until we acknowledge them and do the work we will continue to project those wounds onto other people, therefore creating a cycle of unhealthy behaviours and experiences.

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Impulsively, I decided to take off to India on a solo quest to meditate with the gurus and train in an authentic yogic/ayurvedic way of life. The journey was highly spiritual and I underwent the most powerful cathartic release of emotion that I had ever experienced. It was as if I had undergone a massive ego death/rebirth experience, a dark night of the soul. From that point on there was no turning back for me, I was on a path of no return to finally find my Dharma. No more acquiescing to the bad actors that I had allowed to dominate and suppress my spirit on the checkerboard of life. I had now disidentified from the spiritual assault to become the observer. This is when I began to stand in the flame with fortitude. No longer feeling that I had been sucked into the vortex, I found myself in a state of grace.

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On my return from India, I learnt that we are our own gurus and the real power resides within ourselves to heal. The different modalities that are used in healing the mind, body and soul are to aid and facilitate in the overall process of quantum healing. In a quest to help other people on their healing journey, I qualified as a Meditation Coach, Reiki Practitioner, Biofield Tuner and partially in Yoga Teaching. I had taken full responsibility for my own happiness and realised that the best relationship that I would ever have with anyone, was the one that I fundamentally had with myself. This is the greatest act of self love and so important to convene relationship with ones self in the living moment. We should always bring value to a partnership and enhance who we already are as a sovereign being. We should not feel the need for someone else to complete us or hold them responsible for our own happiness, we are already complete. There is great power is loving without attachment. We must learn to love in such a way that the other person feels free, however still honoring one another.

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There was one more blow on my return from India. My nineteen year old daughter had been diagnosed with Terminal Illicium Crohns Disease, and she had fallen extremely ill. I felt an incredible amount of guilt around this illness, as I had become acutely aware that we can pass trauma and our unhealed wounds onto our children. Her dis-ease had manifested in the solar plexus chakra, which is the seat of all our emotion. Like a bolt of lightning the reality had hit me, everything that I had dealt with in my life had not only affected me on a cellular level, but had also affected my children. We visited her Consultant Gastrologist who wanted to treat her illness with a very aggressive chemotherapy drug. It quickly became apparent that he wasn’t used to being challenged on the toxicity of the pharmaceutical drugs that he was pushing on a daily basis. Bless these doctors, some of them have no idea that they are the biggest drug dealers in the western world. We decided to take an alternative route and I am pleased to say that my daughter is now in remission.

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There is however a happy ending to my story. My journey of healing continues to this day and from the moment that I took real ownership for it and started to live an authentic life, I can now truthfully say that I have forgiven the people that failed me and most importantly, I have forgiven myself.  I am now defined by a clear vision of my future and the lower vibrational emotions such as guilt, shame, self-loathing and fear that can get stuck in the lower chakras and biofield are not ours to carry. Once we neutralize their power over us, we begin the healing journey within. Occasionally I still struggle with relaxation and can sometimes slip back into overworking. However, I now have become the observer of this behavior, which enables me to direct this energy into more creative outlets that are driven by the upper chakras within our bodies.

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There are parts of us that we judge, shame, repress and hide, but these are the parts of us that are crying out for our own love and forgiveness. If we are willing to trade the familiar pain of trauma with the unfamiliar pain of healing, we will start the healing journey by taking responsibility for the role we play in our own suffering. It is the biggest but most rewarding investment we can ever make to ourselves.

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